A New Movie That Will Scare the Pants off the Critics

Because of my privileged position within The Conspiracy, I was able to see the trailer for a new horror movie that will be marketed to critics of Intelligent Design. I can't post the trailer here for obvious reasons, but I transcribed it and it's below the fold.

Announcer voice: They've been nuked with Science. They'be been blasted with the full power of the federal courts. Yet they keep coming. And coming! Will civilized humanity survive NIGHT OF THE LIVING BRAINDEAD?

Seven scientists and educators find themselves trapped in a deserted school house with no esacpe. An army of the BRAINDEAD surround them.

[cut to scenes inside the school house]

Man #1: Shoot it in the head man, shoot it in the head!
Man #2: But how will that stop them?
Man #1: The creatures seem to be relying on some primitive urges. If we splatter their brains, there is nothing left to animate the bodies.
Man #2: But they have no brains!!!

[BRAINDEAD crash through a boarded window]

Man #3 (scientist, I think) : This isn't the Republicans versus the Democrats, where we're in a hole economically or… or we're in another war. This is more crucial than that. This is down to the line, folks, this is down to the line. There can be no more divisions among those with brains!

Woman #1: They're still here.
Man: They're after us. They know we're still in here.
Woman #2: They're after the place. They don't know why, they just remember. Remember that they want to be in here.

[Scream in the background]

Man #4 (another science, I think): Intelligence? Seemingly no reasoning ability, but basic skills remain from the Wedge. There have been reports of these creatures using books. But even these are the most basic, the use of books as bludgeons and so forth. These creatures are nothing but pure, motorized instinct. We must not be lulled by the concept that they are our family members or our friends. They are not. They will not respond to Reason.

[Pounding and groaning at boarded door]

[screen goes black and a voice whispers - they want to be in here.]

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 29th, 2007 at 12:12 am and is filed under Bunny Fright Week. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. The trackback link is: http://telicthoughts.com/a-new-movie-that-will-scare-the-pants-off-the-critics/trackback/

4 Responses to “A New Movie That Will Scare the Pants off the Critics”

Nick Matzke Says:
October 29th, 2007 at 3:09 am
Ironically, this isn't the first time ID proponents have compared themselves to mindless unkillable zombies. Except Paul Nelson kind of meant it. Bllaaaargh…brains!

Comment by Nick Matzke — October 29, 2007 @ 3:09 am

Bradford Says:
October 29th, 2007 at 6:20 am
Nick:

Ironically, this isn't the first time ID proponents have compared themselves to mindless unkillable zombies.

From the link:

Die, zombies, die! Look, we really mean it this time. Die already.

The climax of zombie movies occurs when the normal folks finally figure out what stops the walking undead. "Shooting 'em don't work, Mildred, 'cause they're already dead! You just gotta keep 'em away from the biology textbooks, and sooner or later, they'll shrivel up." In the endless zombie movie called the American controversy over evolution, the normal folks believe that the undead hordes only want the schools, and within them, the most sought-after zombie elixir of all, the science curriculum. The schools, the schools — we must protect our schools! So that's what happens, and "creationists" — the zombies — lose one court case after another. Yet they keep coming, lumbering with arms outstretched across the town square.

"Jesse, they ain't going away like you said they would!"

"Heck, Mildred, maybe it's not about the schools after all."

As my daughters would say: Ya think? The American controversy over science teaching stems from the interaction of a constitutional peculiarity, namely, the First Amendment, with the seeming absence of metaphysical or theological content in naturalistic theories of evolution. "Hey," says the science establishment, "we're not the people talking about God or design — this is nothing but straight biology. It's those creationists over there who want to promote their religion." This interaction creates what will very likely be a permanent legal advantage favoring naturalistic evolution in public school science curricula. The party that appears to be saying nothing about "religion" gets to teach the kids.

Comment by Bradford — October 29, 2007 @ 6:20 am

Bradford Says:
October 29th, 2007 at 6:23 am
Nick:

Except Paul Nelson kind of meant it. Bllaaaargh"¦brains!

At the link:

"I say, 'Why don't you write an anti-glacier book instead?'"

The country is going through another of its episodic legal paroxysms over the teaching of evolution, with daily updates, breathless press releases, and he-said-she-said-blow-the-lid-off-revelations. In the end, the whole noisy business will make very little difference. As I said to Michael Ruse last month, if the debate about origins could have been resolved by litigation, that would have happened long ago. Michael agreed, and we walked on into the sweltering Miami night. Lawsuits about science teaching, evolution, and "creationism," are the judicial equivalent of anti-glacier books. Kitzmiller v. Dover (KvD) may bring a good, bad, or simply goofy precedent. What it won't do "“- you can count on this "“- is stop the ice from moving.

Comment by Bradford — October 29, 2007 @ 6:23 am

chunkdz Says:
October 29th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I DO LOVES ME SOME MATZKE!

Comment by chunkdz — October 29, 2007 @ 3:39 pm

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A New Movie That Will Scare the Pants off the Critics

4 Responses to “A New Movie That Will Scare the Pants off the Critics”

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