A major short-coming of Intelligent Design Theory has been its reluctance to identify the designer. This study addresses this problem and firmly establishes the reality of Intelligent Design.
Most design theorists are uncomfortable talking about the designer. Wedgocentric analysis has demonstrated this reluctance to be part of a sinister plot to foist a theocracy on an unsuspecting, scientifically-illiterate, Bush-electing public. If intelligent design is to be recognized for the science that it is, it must eschew this deception and show the scientific community the designer.
It has been proven that the bacterial flergeller was designed. It is so complex that it must have been designed. It's not just complex; it's really, really complex. Think of the most complex thing you can think of. Well, the bacterial flergeller is way more complex than that. Ergo, it could not possibly have come together in a tornado, so it just had to be designed.
Since designers must be in the vicinity of their designs, I hypothesized that a simple survey of flergeracated bacterium would turn up the designer, sooner or later. I decided to look through 1 x 10^150 bacterial colonies in the hope of detecting the designer.
The following is a re-enactment of the study I completed.
The investigator looked at 3 plates/day for 120 days in the hope of seeing the designer. Since each plate contained approximately 300 colonies, a total of 1.08 x 10^5 colonies were looked at. No positive colonies were scored. Discouraged by the idea of screening through another 145 plates, a minor adjustment in the methodology was made (see Methods).
After appropriate set up, the investigator began to sense the designer was near late one night when no one was in the lab. The investigator quickly secured plate #112 with bacteria (Figure 1). The investigator heard a faint sound coming from plate. A closer look at the plate showed nothing unusual (Figure 2).
The plate was returned to the bench when the sound was heard again. This time, the investigator took the plate and put it under a dissecting scope (Figure 3). As can be seen from the re-enactment, a faint blue dot was seen on one of the colonies.
At this point, the investigator pulled out the special designer-detecting instrument and used it to enhance the image of the scope. Something clearly was on the colony (Figure 4), but the image was oddly blurred, as if the designer was trying to hide.
The investigator then took his two hands, rubbed his eyes three times, waited precisely 12 seconds, and looked again. This time, the designer was identified as clearly seen in the re-enactment shown in Figure 5.
The designer has been seen by at least one investigator. With this growing consensus, it is time to introduce design into the public high schools. Future studies will attempt to make contact with the designer.
100 micrograms of lysergic acid diethylamide was consumed by the investigator prior to sceening bacteria plates. After a delay of 10 minutes, 100 ml of 95% ethanol was also added to the investigator. The designer-detecting instrument (DDI) was constructed by purchasing a magnifying lens from K-Mart and sending it to Venetian Way Holdings Inc. for a blessing. The DDI can be used in conjunction with any standard dissecting scope by using it while looking through the eye pieces.